This post could be about a number of big picture issues, like marriage, moving in together or having a baby. I don’t have a blanket ‘fools rush in’ philosophy, because if I did I’d be in trouble. I’m talking about attending to a crying baby.
There is debate, bickering and major disagreements when it comes to the topic of whether to leave a baby crying or not. It’s kind of the politics topic of parenting – best not to bring it up over a peaceful dinner with newly acquired mummy or daddy friends, unless you never really wanted to be friends with them in first place. It’s a touchy one, with ‘evidence’ to support either side of the argument (I say ‘evidence’, because every viewpoint conducts their own ‘research’ to ‘support’ their ‘theory’).
One thing I’m proud of in regard to our first attempt at parenting (yes Big Boy, it turns out you’re a guinea pig) is that we did what we thought best when it came to this issue. Not best for us or best for him or best for the neighbor. Not best according to any particular book, ‘expert’, friend or family member. Just ‘best’ (we considered all viewpoints and eenee meenee mynee moed our way to a decision…just kidding). Our approach was based on a number of factors:
- how much crying could we, as parents, tolerate before we either curled up in a ball inside the bath or threw something really hard at a really hard surface to ‘break’ the tension (polar reactions, I’m aware, but both very possible)?
- if we were to pick the baby up as soon as he began to cry, how much jiggling, swaying, pacing and patting could we tolerate before either of the above scenarios occurred (bath or breakage) or our backs and arms died? (note: there was still no guarantee that any of the aforementioned methods would result in a cessation of crying)
- how much guilt could we tolerate if we left the baby to cry, all alone in that big cot, in that big lonely room at the end of that long, long corridor?
- how important was it that the baby learn to self settle in order to reach the goal of sleeping for long, long stretches overnight?
- what was likely to win us the most fans – leaving the baby to cry, or picking it up every time it did? (actually, this didn’t rate as a priority, but imagine if it did?)
In the end, we kind of (we are no experts, surprisingly) learned to read the situation, despite the lack of a manual – impressed? If he sounded like he was just having a whinge, too bad. If he sounded really sad, maybe. If he sounded agonisingly desperate, yes. If he toned it down as we were walking towards his room, no. Basically, if we thought he didn’t have a need that required immediate attention, or we thought he was b*sh*ing us, too bad (there is nothing worse than responding immediately to a cry/whimper/complaint only to discover that your rushing in has in fact actually woken the baby and he now won’t go back to sleep by himself). Also too bad if we had reached the end of our short tether or our backs had given way.
Our Big boy turned out to be a brilliant, heavy sleeper, not waking during the night from a staggering 7 weeks of age. So when this baby arrived, we took the same approach and I’m glad to say we have another sleeper-through. So, that’s my ‘evidence’ to support my ‘theory’ that in this household, fools rush in.
