They are the forgotten ones. Forced into the shadows right from the start and if we’re not careful, they can linger there in the dark, unrecognised. I speak of the husbands/partners of expectant women and new mothers.
Pregnancy is all about the woman (unless you are one of the thirty-something percent of Australian male partners who experience the very real sympathy pregnancy, complete with vomiting and weight gain…serious) – after all, it is her body that is undergoing actual physical change. She is monitored by health professionals, undergoes tests and scans and receives all the leaflets about what to expect from pregnancy and new parenthood, complete with my favourite: ‘One in three women wet themselves’ (I like to point that out…it makes me feel like I’m part of a special group). The dads are side-lined through no fault of their own, left to sit quietly in corner of the examination room, pretending to understand talk about ‘fundal height’ and the significance of protein in wee.
This failure to acknowledge the other, equally significant, half of the equation continues post birth into new parenthood, except this time it’s about mum and baby. Has the uterus returned to its original size? Has the stitched region healed? Are there concerns about coping or postnatal depression? Is the baby feeding well and putting on weight?
Let’s not forget about the men who, rather importantly, planted the seed in the beginning, and who have to witness childbirth. They then have to share their lady with an utterly dependent, screaming being who turns organs of pleasure into purely practical and unglorifying bits. They often spend the majority of their week tolerating an unsatisfying, frustrating or impossibly busy job to come home in the evening to a frazzled woman, inconsolable child and chaotic household. Who asks our men how they are coping with it all? Who looks out for their well-being and sanity? The change brought about by the introduction of children into a partnership and the adjustment required is monumental. Let’s bring the men out of the shadows.
