I suck at being sociable. It’s a wonder I still have contacts outside of my humble abode. I’m not readily available, I’m chronically fatigued and unable to construct a coherent thought in less than an hour. And that’s when the kids are not in tow.
Clipped sentences and insincere conversational fillers are not uncommon, which sits uncomfortably with me. I am a person who demands the full attention of my listener and I have a severely acute ear and eye for the slightest distraction or inattention. Do it properly, or politely inform me that you’re not in the slightest bit interested/too busy/too tired/too rude to genuinely engage at that time. Don’t pretend to listen or care – you’re wasting my time. A high standard, perhaps, and a little unattainable for anyone who enters my conversational realm. And now here I am, being that hopeless conversationalist, forever distracted by myself or my kids.
But can I let you in on a little secret? For a social hack like myself, this is where one of the benefits of having kids comes in. Desperate to escape an awkward moment or dead-boring conversation? Oops! There he goes! Better go rescue him (and me) before he throws himself over the edge! Too tired or simply reluctant to attend an event? Sorry, the kids aren’t well and I really ought not to shower you in their sticky, highly contagious germs – only thinking of you! Keen to remove guests from your lounge as the clock ticks towards crazy hour? Just disappear into the kitchen and start banging pots and pans together, mumbling a little too loudly about getting dinner ready for the kids. Or disappear down the hallway and run the bath, throwing plastic toys under the stream of tepid water for extra effect. You get the point.
So, in anticipation of our next interaction, this social hack sends her apologies…either way.
