I could write about my fascination with the bathroom mirror, or, more accurately, the reflection that peers back at me – a stripy, glistening stomach and a pair of breasts that don’t even look related (while both zigzagged with blue veins, one will often sit lower and jiggle more than its firmer, more upright counterpart, depending on the feeding status). But what I am referring to is reflecting on my Big Boy’s baby stage.
People refer to hindsight as being ‘great’. Truth be told, I think it’s rather irritating. There are times when I would rather have a complete lack of insight, because what I seem to learn from hindsight frustrates me and there’s nothing I can do about it, bar time travel, and I can’t afford that.
Hindsight has delivered two main learnings, as I have reflected on my Big Boy’s babyhood:
1. A mummy does know her body and her baby better than anyone else, and if we were allowed to just get on the with the job, we would probably do it better! I nearly punched a midwife when she came to check how breastfeeding was going with child number two. ‘Yeah, we’re doing well, thanks,’ I had reported proudly. At this point I expected her to smile sweetly, congratulate me and float quietly from the room with her clipboard. Not so. Having never laid eyes on me or Baby before this encounter, she suggested that I try a different feeding technique, just because ‘that’s how you’re meant to do it’. Serious? I just said that we were doing fine, NOW LEAVE US ALONE!
2. No bomb is going to explode if you attempt to put baby to breast before the recommended two and a half hours is up. If the baby is hungry, feed it – it may well have a big appetite (as my Big Boy does, and obviously did). All those times I panicked and clumsily squished him into the pram’s cocoon to pacify him with a bolt around the block because it had only been two hours since his last feed, he was probably thinking, ‘Is this woman crazy? All I want is a god damned drink!’
3. If your baby happens to fall asleep while you’re cuddling him, you’re not setting him up for complete dependence on cuddles for achieving sleep for the rest of his life. Enjoy those baby cuddles because Big Boys prefer to simply jump on you.
At the risk of doing a #1, I try to mention #2 and #3 to all new mothers I know. Someone tried to tell me #2 when I was breastfeeding Entropy Boy at about 3 months old, and I am grateful that I had heard the truth from someone else first. I was able to just politely smile and continue feeding him knowing that what I was doing was fine. Do you tell new mums you know these things? The trick is always finding a gentle way (read: one that doesn’t induce guilt or terror in the usually sleep deprived and sensitive new mother mind) to say it.
Hey Nadiah! I agree that any sniff of advice needs to be carefully delivered to the highly sensitive minds of new mums…it’s a tricky one. I guess it depends how well I know her. It’s certainly easier to share the pearls of hindsight with expectant mothers (assuming I know them well too) and I kind of feel like I should – I wish someone had have told me many things the first time around (very sensitively of course!).
Yes, I feel like I should too, and I wish someone had told me some of it. I suppose this might be where older female relatives are meant to come in, although unfortunately not everyone has them (or is on good terms with the ones they’ve got
).
I was thinking about your post some more after I commented last night, and I reckon maybe the best time to tell them these things could be while they’re still pregnant. I don’t know how common my experience was, but I have never felt so happy and mentally stable as I did when I was pregnant, particularly for the last 4 months or so. I was also really eager to get some advice. Maybe that’s the best time to raise it?
Love it Penni. I try to say something similar…
- watch your baby, not the clock (although it can be hard!)…look at what they are doing now, not yesterday or last week.
- your baby hasn’t read ‘the book’
- breastfeeding isn’t just about food, non-nutritive sucking is important too! That might mean baby wants to be fed to sleep or just suck for comfort but not have big feed.
- and ‘this too shall pass’… just about applies to everything, but it was my mantra
- try to go to an Australian Breastfeeding Association meeting, or get your hands on old ABA member mags (Essence). There is no crap in there about feeding routines or creating unreal expectations…just empowering information to support Mum’s so they can make their own choices about what suits them and their baby.
[...] they were discussing the issue of working mums versus stay at home mums. It got me doing some more reflecting and this is the [...]