Penni Drysdale - P Plate Parenting

I may have alluded to the fact that I am a MAJOR CONTROL FREAK. I want to re-visit that in the context of parenting.

Being a Control Freak is exhausting. You must keep tabs on everything, constantly analysing, pre-empting and taking charge. Things must go according to a plan (preferably one of your own). No, really, they must, because any hint of straying from what Must Be leads to utter chaos and meltdown. And it’s not just in your own life that you have this massive responsibility of ensuring that the plan is implemented without hitch – you are bound by the rules of Control Freaks United to ensure that everyone and everything else conforms. Phew!

Now enter the baby – a bundle of squawks that has spent roughly the last nine months in a dark sac of warm water, floating without concern for rules and plans. This is a Control Freak’s worst nightmare – no predictability, no plan, just needs that must be met. This little human is a non-conformist, determined to do her own thing, on her own watch (and the watch has no numbers….). FEED ME NOW! CHANGE ME! CUDDLE ME – NO, NOT LIKE THAT! GET MY GAS UP! Etcetera. Oh, and DON’T YOU DARE DISTURB ME WHEN I’M SLEEPING!

Being organised is great. Having a strategy is great as well. But trying to control a newborn is not such a great idea, trust me. There is no black and white (I have learnt to pity those who experience a more severe form of my condition, which manifests in a firm belief that black and white exists, that there are reasons for all newborn or child behaviour and basic solutions to all acts of straying from the plan or breaking the rules. For them, life must be unbearable). There is no recipe, no exact formula, just a whole lot of grey.

Day to day life now becomes the hardest thing you have ever tried to control. No matter how structured and timetabled you intend it to be, there are always curveballs – a massive, sticky poo filling a nappy or a chunky vomit all over your new outfit just before you step out the door. Pick up the phone to make a call or peel off your clothes to step into the shower and the baby will start screaming for your attention. Dare to meet up with a friend for a coffee and your little angel will have her longest nap on record, right through the allotted caffeine time.

Of course the other target for Control Freaks is our partners/husbands. This is a time when you’re both treading water hard, desperately trying not to sink. The last thing he needs is someone to hover over him, monitoring, correcting and taking over when things aren’t done to your specifications. Like vulnerable new mums, dads need time to find their feet, adjust to their role and build up their confidence. Ignore the inside-out singlet. Let him find his own way of holding the baby (it’s true that a baby’s head/neck needs to be managed carefully, but seriously, it won’t fall off!). Have a laugh, rather than a bitch, about the mis-match of an outfit he’s clothed your little one in. The biggest lesson for members of Control Freaks United is to learn to better control our own way of thinking, acting and re-acting  (I am still attending classes regularly…am yet to pass the subject).

Being a member of Control Freaks United can make parenting just that little bit more challenging, but I have done my best to use the transition into parenthood as an opportunity to tame this personality trait of mine. It will always be a part of me, I’m afraid, but adding two kids to the partnership equation has certainly forced me to loosen the reigns and forgo any solid plans to shower.