There’s plenty to whinge about when it comes to life with a newborn, but there are some benefits associated with this chaotic, exhausting time.
Larger breasts and cleavage have been a novelty for me. Unfortunately I know from experience that not only will these full, life-giving organs shrink when breastfeeding ceases, but I will be rendered even less womanly than I was before pregnancy! Perhaps the World Health Organisation is onto something when it suggests breastfeeding for two years…
Wearing trackies and Ugg boots is another benefit, as is showering in the second half of the day. Any excuse to wear my comfy clothes is warmly welcomed, but when does the newborn-in-the-house concession expire? When will I be expected to dress up a bit more, perhaps upgrading to jeans and slip-ons? Maybe the time has already passed and I’m just oblivious to the disapproving vibes from my more decently clad family and friends. And what about the shower thing? When will I have to be showered and shampooed before lunch, even in the absence of a morning appointment or outing?
I see other mums at the shops and can’t help but note their appearance, generally in stark contrast to my loose, elastic, sensible clothing. I wonder if they have been planted there by a higher power to make a point…something along the lines of ,’There ain’t no excuse woman!”. These mothers have shiny hair and wear eyeshadow, jewelery and heels. They are showered, probably wearing perfume and looking calm. God damn them, making me look bad. Don’t they know about the unspoken concessions of trackies and Uggs? If they do, then the only possible explanation is that they have 24 hour nannies, in house stylists and predictable, perfect babies. God damn them!
